


Take Two

by ShinMeiko



Series: What if multiverse [7]
Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli, Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-09 13:50:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19477189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinMeiko/pseuds/ShinMeiko
Summary: Four and a half years ago, Bram left for Sweden, leaving half of his heart in Atlanta. Now he's back, and he is ready to give his first love story another chance. But does he still fit in Simon's life after all this time?Sequel to 'Chapter 19 - What if Bram's mom had a promotion?' in my 'what if' series.





	Take Two

**Author's Note:**

> It might be controversial, but I actually quite like the ending of chapter 19, and that idea that even though they might not be together again, they will still be in each other's life in spite of the distance.
> 
> But I too like happy endings.  
> So here is an alternative ending.
> 
> Plus it's been asked once or twice :).
> 
> It didn't exactly go where I was planning in the first place, I hope you still like it.

I guess I should have told them. Surprising them sounded like a good idea until now. My heart is beating so fast that it hurts. I think I’m going to be sick.

That would _not_ be a good way to be back.

Come on Bram. You can do this. Breathe in. Breathe out.

I knock on Garrett’s old house, and it really feels like being back home. Which is odd, because Atlanta is probably the city I lived in for the shortest amount of time.

I know Garrett is back for the summer. They all are. It’s the first time we will all be in Atlanta since I left. That was four and a half years ago. Garrett came to visit me once in Sweden and once in England. I came back twice, to Savannah to see my dad. I would have commuted to see them, of course, but the European summer holidays don’t exactly match the US ones, and they were all scattered around the country.

Not that I wanted to see everyone with the same intensity. It would have been nice to see Garrett. For him not to always be the one to travel half the world to keep the friendship alive. But more than anything, I would have killed to be able to see Simon. Once, I nearly took the plane to New York to see him while I was on the same continent. But we talked about it and decided it wasn’t a good idea. Seeing each other for one weekend would just open old wounds that we took so long to close. I was finally in a place where I didn’t cry when thinking about Simon, not even occasionally, and I couldn’t go back. Not for two days.

It’s different this time. I have more time.

The door opens and Garrett’s jaw drops. Then he has the same big happy laugh he used to have when we were teenagers and he pulls me into the tightest hug of my life. It’s fine. I actually think I needed that.

When he lets go of me, he cups my face and looks at me like I’m a five-year-old to whom he’s going to say ‘you grew up really fast since the last time I saw you’. But he doesn’t. Instead, he says. “Bram fucking Greenfeld. On my continent! What are you doing here, man?”

“You know it’s my continent too, right?”

He lets go of my face, still smiling, and asks: “How long are you here for?”

“Atlanta? Four weeks.”

“And the States?”

“Forever?”

His smile grows bigger, and he pulls me in another hug, quicker this time.

“I can’t believe you’re fucking back.”

“And I can’t believe you swear even more than you did in high school. So… are you going to invite me in?”

“Yes. Sure. But… it’s either your best or your worst timing.”

“Why?”

“The whole gang is here. The former lunch table, around my current dining table, eating crisps and playing cards. Do you wanna join? Or should we take a rain check?”

He said everybody, but I heard Simon. Am I ready for that? I don’t care if I’m ready or not, I don’t think I can wait. Not when he’s that close after being that far for so long.

“Fantastic! Come on in.” Garrett says. Apparently, he can still read my face like an open book.

When we arrive in his dining room, Garrett doesn’t say anything. He just goes back to his seat, waiting for people to notice me on their own. My eyes find Simon immediately and my stomach clenches so hard it hurts.

Even on another continent, I have seen him a lot. But it was through a screen, always. I guess I wasn’t expecting my body to react so intensely to his presence.

Around the table are Nick, Abby, Leah, Anna, and Morgan. The entire lunch table from junior year.

Plus one.

Plus Simon’s senior year boyfriend.

Plus Cal fucking Price.

Are Cal and Simon back together? Are they just friends? Am I allowed to be wondering that?

I can’t really give it more thought, because Leah’s eyes spot me. Her face lights up and she bolts from her chair right into my arms. Leah who always rejected any form of physical contact. So I wrap my arms around her. It’s been over four years and yet the almond smell of her hair feels so familiar. I didn’t even know I knew how her hair smelled like.

The room got really quiet, but I don’t pay them any attention yet. I focus on Leah. She lets go of me and looks at me. “Bram! I can’t believe you’re here! You look exactly the same as the last time I saw you!”

“Hopefully, I’m wiser,” I say, trying to mask the overflowing emotions with a dumb joke.

Suddenly, Abby is there too, then Nick, then Anna and Morgan – and I am a bit ashamed to admit that I am not a hundred percent sure who is who anymore – and then Garrett joins too.

Cal doesn’t join, but that makes sense. He didn’t join the lunch table until dating Simon, which was almost nine months after I left. I don’t think we ever even talked to each other.

But Simon doesn’t join either. My heart notices even more than my head. Is he just surprised to see me? Is he upset that I didn’t tell him I would be in the States? Is he confused? Is he annoyed because I interrupted something with Cal? I mean… that’s definitely what I read on Cal’s face. But I don’t read anything on Simon’s. Not that he has an expression I can’t read. His face is just… blank.

Abby is the first one to call him on it. “Simon, did you see? Bram’s here!” She sounds so excited, but Simon’s face is still blank.

“Okay…” Nick says. “Maybe we should just give you two a minute?”

No, guys, please, no. don’t turn this into a big deal – even though it’s exactly what it is – don’t make it even more awkward. But everyone seems to suddenly have something to do in the living room. Cal’s eyes linger on Simon, then on me, then on Simon again. But he leaves the room. Garrett looks at me, asking me with his eyes what to do. But everyone left already and it would be worse if he stayed now. As always, he gets it. He leaves too, closing the door behind him.

That seems to get Simon out of his trance. “Hi,” he whispers.

“Hi.”

“You’re really here?”

“I’m really here.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you would be in Atlanta when I would be visiting my parents?”

“I wanted to surprise you.”

I had envisioned this scene many times. Seeing Simon again, in person. It played out a million ways in my head. I imagined us hugging. Or laughing. Or crying. Or unable to take our hands off each other. Even Simon blaming me for leaving all those years ago. Or having a nice, friendly, platonic catch-up chat. Something. Not this polite, sterile, generic conversation. That doesn’t feel like any version of us.

“When are you going back to England?”

“I am not.”

“You’re not,” Simon repeats. His voice and his face are still blank and I’m getting nervous. “Sweden?”

“No.”

“Japan?”

“Why would I go to Japan?”

“I don’t know. But it’s even further away. See, that’s my one rule. In everything I do. Don’t hope.”

“Just three days ago, you told me you were hoping for luck, and bought a lottery ticket.”

“Oh yeah. Hoping to be one in a million and win the lottery is fine. Hoping that there will be something decent on TV is allowed. Hoping that we are going to solve global warming is fair game. But never, ever hope that Bram is going to come back. I spent all of high school hoping that you would come back for university. That we would choose universities together and end up in the same state. But you didn’t. you didn’t even stay in Sweden. You didn’t move back with your mom either. You moved to fucking England. And I was so happy for you, doing what was best for you, but it also broke my heart. So hard. That’s when I decided to never ever let myself go there again. So I’m not going to let myself go there unless you make it perfectly clear, Bram.”

“Simon, I didn’t know.”

“Of course not. I never told you. I wanted you to come back. But I would have hated myself if you had come back for me and not for you. And also… I didn’t want to face the reality that I might have asked you to come back and you might have said no. I wanted to live in that fairy-tale world in which if, even after all this time, you would come back for me.”

“I would have,” I say, remembering the end of high school, filling in my Oxford University application, hoping that Simon would ask me to come back to the US and apply to an Ivy League university instead of an Oxbridge one. For the first time since I entered the room, I can see Simon’s walls crumble somewhat. I can see his feelings through his moon grey eyes.

Damn, those eyes.

“I think it is one of the reasons I didn’t tell you I was coming back. I wanted to make sure that I was doing this for me, and not for you. But I am sure now. It is the best decision for _me_. I am not here because of whatever we had in high school, or because of the friendship we developed over the years. I had a great opportunity to come back and I took it.”

“So… Atlanta, then?”

“No, I’m just visiting my mom. And Garrett. You too, maybe. If you’ll see me. But after that, I got a job in New York.”

“I live in New York,” Simon says.

“I know.”

We don’t speak anymore. We just look at each other. We take time to process this massive shift in our lives. Simon and I in the same city. One of the largest cities in the world, true, but it’s nothing compared to different continents.

“What kind of job?” he asks.

“Publishing. Bloomsbury.”

“That sounds like you.”

I smile at that. “Yeah, it’s a good job, with a good pay, in my dream field, and my dad’s cousin is going to travel for a year, so I can sublet his apartment. It was a golden opportunity.”

“Oh? Are you talking to your dad again?”

“A bit. He’s trying, I’m trying. Plus I’d like to be more than a name and a photo to Little Foetus, you know?”

“At some point, we will have to stop calling her that.”

Then Simon smiles fades, and he asks, much seriously, “You’re really back?”

“I’m really back.”

“For real?”

“For real.”

The conversation is redundant. But it feels like it’s what we need. To anchor this new reality until we both admit it as true.

Simon finally stands up and before I can process it, we are hugging. Tighter than with Leah. Tighter than with Garrett. Tighter than with my mom a couple of days ago. I can feel Simon shaking and as much as I would love to say that I am here, steady and strong, supporting him, I am shaking as much as he is.

How many times did I close my eyes and just wished I could do that? Simon is here, and it feels right.

“What does that mean?” Simon asks when he lets go of me.

“For us, you mean?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know. We’re friends now. We’re in a good place. You’re my best friend. Even though you can’t ever tell Garrett that.” Simon smiles, and it feels like a win. “But… we can’t make it romantic. I mean… part of me just wants to resume things where we left off, but we are different people now. We need to figure out who we are with each other before deciding if it’s worth risking our friendship. Nostalgia can be a deceiving feeling.”

Simon nods, and I truly can’t tell if that was the answer he was looking for. “Yeah,” he agrees. “Let’s not make rash decisions. We might not work together anymore. And if we do, what’s another few weeks? Or months.”

It’s the best, wiser, smarter decision. My brain knows it. But my heart still perceives it as… I’m not sure. Rejection? Break up? Losing Simon again? I know what just happened is neither of those, it might even be the exact opposite, but it felt like a mix of those. It feels like torture, to finally be in front of Simon and realize that he’s still not mine and might never be again. This time, I can’t blame it on distance.

When we join the others, they get really quiet, and they look at us, expectantly. It’s clear on their faces that they just expected that we would get back together straight away. We don’t comment on it, but we sit on opposite sides of the room, and they all understand it for what it is. Abby looks disappointed, Garrett looks like he gets it, Nick looks confused, Leah looks like she doesn’t care, Cal looks relieved. Anna and Morgan are gone.

I catch up with Nick for a bit, trying not to notice that Cal and Simon are next to each other again, talking and laughing. Every laugh from Simon shifts my focus back to them and it’s driving me crazy. Mainly because I shouldn’t be entitled to wonder, but also because given our previous conversation and what I know about Simon’s current life, he is single at the moment.

But if I feel like I might have a claim on Simon because he is my ex-boyfriend, I have to admit that Cal does too. I was Simon’s first boyfriend. He was Simon’s first relationship. I’d like to think that I was the most important, but I don’t know if that’s true.

I promised my mom I would have dinner with her. I have been away from her for a long time too. I say goodbye to everybody, and Leah asks me for a ride home. I agree, and I go wait for her on the porch. Cal is there, smoking. It surprises me that he would smoke, but I also don’t know the guy, so I don’t comment. Plus, it’s none of my business. He smiles at me nicely, and I realize that I find him nice. I can’t hate the guy. Which is even more frustrating.

“Hey. You’re leaving?”

“Yep. I have a lot of family time to catch up on.”

“Fair enough. So… are you back for good?”

“Yeah, I’m moving to New York at the end of the summer.”

Cal looks at me and sighs. “Damn it, Greenfeld.”

“What?”

“You had four weeks with him. I had a year. And yet, you have been a big shadow over our relationship. I don’t know what I hated the most. When he talked about you, or when he didn’t. Even when he didn’t, you were there, somewhere. I knew we had an expiration date. He wanted a fresh start for university. Either you, if you came back, or someone that would make him forget about you. But now… he was finally over you. Maybe not over you, but… you were finally tidily put away. I thought I had a real shot, this time. And then you just… appeared.”

I could feel bad for him. If he were talking about anybody but Simon.

“Nothing is happening,” I say. And I don’t know why I said that. I don’t want Cal to think that Simon is fair game. If he thinks that Simon is taken, I shouldn’t even think about proving him wrong.

“Yeah right. He has been glancing at you all afternoon, and he completely shut himself from me. I’ve also seen the way you looked at him. You two are endgame.”

Who would have thought that, of all people, Cal Price would be the one to fully rekindle the flame of hope in my heart?

“I’m sorry, Cal.”

“Don’t be silly. Chronologically, I took your man. Plus, if Simon is not for me, it means that my someone is somewhere out there and that, hopefully, it will be a smoother ride. There is some hope in that.”

I don’t know what to answer, but I don’t have the opportunity anyway, because Leah gets out of the house.

“Let’s roll, Greenfeld.” Great timing. It was confusing to be standing there, realizing that I like the boy who replaced me in Simon’s heart and life.

Leah and I get into my car.

“I’m sorry,” she says after a couple of minutes.

“What for?” I take a second to think about it, but I really can’t think of anything Leah ever did that would offend me.

“Not keeping in touch with you when you left.”

“Oh. Don’t worry about it. Garrett and I managed to stay in touch because he was my best friend. Simon and I…”

“Were Simon and you,” she offers gracefully.

“Yeah. But other than that, I didn’t really manage to keep the friendship alive with anyone. Nick and I still occasionally send messages. Birthdays, Christmas and stuff. But it’s not what it used to be. Which I get. It’s just life.”

“I know. And I am not exactly apologizing for it. I’m just saying that I’m sorry. I think you would have been an added value to my life.”

This girl. I saw her more than she thought in high school, but I don’t think I saw her as much as she deserves. Or as much as I should have. “Well… I’m here now. Maybe this time we can be more than lunch buddies.”

“I’m gonna make you the best birthday cake this year,” she says, and I can feel all her awkward love in that sentence. I genuinely can’t wait for that cake. “So… can I ask about you and Simon?”

“You can. I just don’t have an answer yet.”

“Which is probably the healthiest development,” she says. “So… five years…”

“Four and a half.”

“Simon used to give us a lot of news when we were in high school. Apparently, you did so well in Sweden.”

“Thank God the language has similarities with English. I refused to go to an international school. The first months were tough though. School during the day, Swedish sessions at night. But I’m properly bilingual now. It’s a skill I’ll have forever, you know?”

“I’m jealous. Maybe I should have come with you.”

“Don’t be silly. Who would have kept an eye on Simon?”

“Very true Greenfeld, very true. And then… England.”

“Yeah. My mom was coming back to the States, so I thought I would come back to, but… Oxford. I had to try, you know. And I got in, and… I just couldn’t not do it. It has been great. I loved my time there. Plus, the admission fees were cheaper, and the degrees are three years, not four. The course was interesting and challenging. Everything felt right about it. Even if that meant leaving everything behind again.”

“Doesn’t it get hard after a while? Connecting with people, knowing you’re just going to leave?”

“A bit,” I admit. But it also makes you enjoy the time you have with them differently, you know? Plus the people you truly bond with stick with you.”

“Like Simon?”

“Like Simon.” Damn. She’s good.

“What about you?”

“Still studying journalism at the Georgia college of journalism. Because I am taking a full 4 years American degree, not a lazy English one. I’m the only one who stayed in state.”

“You don’t sound thrilled about it.”

“I don’t know. I like my university, and I couldn’t afford to go out of state. But you all lived or are living amazing experiences and I feel like I’m just stuck in my high school life, you know?”

“I know. But you are going to be a journalist. Go for jobs that make you travel. And when we are all stuck in sedentary jobs, make us jealous with your glamourous nomadic life.”

She smiles at me. A true smile that reached her eyes. I know how scarce they can be, so I let myself feel a bit proud of it.

“I really did miss you,” she says.

“Same here.”

Three weeks later, Simon is at my house. We have seen each other often. Nearly every other day. It really hasn’t been romantic. We are navigating through taking our friendship offline. We are taking our time to do it. We don’t have to rush things like last time.

Tonight, my mom is staying at her boyfriend’s – soon to be fiancé, I think – and Simon offered to come hang out to keep my mind off it. My mind would absolutely NOT have gone there, but my mind also saw an opportunity to hand out with Simon, alone, and took it.

Except it was a ridiculous idea, because now we are both lying on my bed, watching a movie on my laptop, and my mind really struggles to remain on platonic lands. I sort of get the vibe that so does Simon’s. Not that we haven’t been looking for it. We could have watched the movie in the living room, on different seats, on the way bigger TV.

But no. We decided to lie in a bed, arms touching, as if we had to test our limits.

I must say, we’re doing pretty well.

I’m not sure how I feel about that.

I must have dozed off for a minute. I completely wake up when the terrifying thought that Simon might have left while I was sleeping crosses my mind. My eyes fly open and, thank God, the boy is still there. He is still lying on the bed. I can’t see his face – it’s still turned toward the now dark laptop screen – but he is breathing heavily. I think he’s sleeping.

I could wake him up, but I don’t. Instead, I put my head back on the pillow. I think I might go back to sleep. Just because I can. We have time, now. Enough time that we can spare and waste some if we want to.

I am not moving half the world away in four weeks. Or ever.

When I wake up again, we are almost spooning. Simon’s back is against my chest, and my nose is in his hair.

That’s when I can’t contain it anymore. I carefully slide my hand between his arm and his chest, and I hold the boy. I don’t think I’ll ever want to let go. Simon is apparently not sleeping anymore either, because he opens his hand and threads his fingers through mine.

The room is so quiet that I can nearly hear my heartbeat.

For a long moment, nothing happens. We just hold hands. We are in this weird place that’s more than a ‘maybe’ but that’s not a ‘definitely’ either. I really want to take this further, but I still don’t know how much of this is the old me wanting the old Simon compared to the new me wanting the new Simon.

Simons seems to be more sure about what he wants, because he slowly turns around. We are facing each other, noses and foreheads almost touching, sharing the same breath, looking at each other. In Simon’s eyes, I only see hope. So much hope.

I think it would physically hurt to refuse him what he wants right now. I might want it even worse.

I cup his face, and I press my lips against his, just once. It’s the most chaste kiss of my entire life, and yet I don’t remember ever having my stomach go so wild. Not my first kiss with Simon. Not that first kiss with Martin, crazy romantic, under the northern lights. Never.

Than Simon presses his body against me and kisses me for real. It feels like letting out a breath I had been holding in for five years. It has nothing to do about leaving my high school boyfriend – or first love. It’s about the boy that has been in my life ever since, through a screen, but present for every step, every big decision, every joy, and every heartbreak. Over the years, Simon made me laugh, advised me, listened to me, shared things with me that I am pretty sure he hasn’t told anyone else, and got to know me more than anyone.

There is no old or new Simon. The truth is he never left my life and we grew up together instead of apart. Like we hoped we would. Being together won’t ruin our friendship. Who are we kidding? We are not friends. The only thing keeping us apart was literally being apart. But there is no way I would be happy with being just friends with Simon if I can have him.

Simon’s fingers start making their way under my clothes and the entire moment shifts. Clothes are taken off, hands are touching, kisses are getting desperate.

I know we shouldn’t. We should talk about it and take our time. We have time. That is exactly the point my brain has been making this whole time. But my body doesn’t seem to get that. My heart is telling me to take as much as I can, right now. To take everything Simon would be willing to give me.

“Si… Maybe we shouldn’t. Maybe…”

“Don’t speak, just kiss me,” he interrupts me. Well. I don’t have the strength to fight the both of us. I nearly collapse back onto Simon. “Do you have… supplies?” he asks between kisses.

I nod and open my nightstand to grab said supplies. “Are you still…” I ask. He nods. We both lean back in.

Once. We had sex once before. And yet everything about Simon and the way we are together feels so familiar. We just fit together perfectly.

Simon didn’t leave after. He’s still there, head on my chest. My fingers lost in the mess that’s his hair.

The room is completely dark and silent.

I don’t know what we just did. I mean… obviously, I _know_ what we just did, I just don’t know what it means. I just know I’m happy, content and satisfied. I feel complete. I don’t want it to stop. I don’t want to let go of Simon. But I’m also afraid we won’t know how to _be_ without the screens.

“I love you,” Simon says. My heart skips a bit because I was so sure he was asleep that he startled me. Then it skips another one because of what he said. “I understand what you said the other day about the difference between someone and the idea of someone, but… we didn’t let go of each other when you left, Bram. We were in contact nearly every day. Not just anonymous emails. It was emails, real signed emails, and texts, and phone calls, and Skype, and FaceTime, and letters, and… I buried those feelings because geography was against us, but I never stopped loving you. I thought it would stop. I thought we would grow apart. But we very much grew together, didn’t we?”

“We did,” I agree, a little shell-shocked. Simon isn’t looking at me, and I wish he was. Not that it would make a difference in the pitch-black dark.

“I understand,” he continues, “if you don’t love me. Whether you didn’t back then, or if it faded away at some point. But I need you to know that I love you. Much more than I even thought I did.”

I gently shift us so Simon is facing me, and I kiss him. Not a shy kiss, not a sex kiss, a real kiss. “Of course I loved you back then. More than teenagers are supposed to. And you’ve always been there. In the background of my life. I didn’t wait for you. I lived my life too, but that doesn’t mean I forgot about you. About us. Not ever. I haven’t stopped loving you either, Simon.” As the words come out, I realize how true they are. We have done what was best for us and for the other one, not holding the other one back in any way, waiting for our time. Maybe it is now.

Simon kisses me again, and we fall asleep holding on to one another.

I am woken up by a slight caress in my hair. I open my eyes to a very smiley, very handsome Simon.

“Morning Bram.”

“Morning,” I say, my voice still half asleep.

“I made breakfast,” he says.

“You did?”

“I went out to buy something. Good enough.”

The breakfast choice is perfect. It’s crazy that Simon would know my current tastes so well when we haven’t shared food in years. And back then, they were mainly school lunches.

“We should talk about it,” I say. If we are a thing, I want to know for sure, right now. If we are not, it’s better to just rip the band-aid.

“Haven’t we done that already?”

“No. For three weeks, I have pretended that I wasn’t constantly thinking about kissing you again, and last night, we admitted how we feel. We haven’t talked about it.”

Simon looks uneasy suddenly: “Is it the part where I lose you again?” he asks.

“Lose me? Simon… last night felt so right that even if I hadn’t already planned to stay, I don’t think I could leave this time.”

Simon exhales, and he comes to sit on my laps, kissing me. “Or maybe you’d just take me with you this time.” I let my hands fall on his thighs, on each side of my body. His hands cup my face, but we don’t kiss anymore.

“I want to try us again, Simon. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine.”

“Aren’t we already?” His whisper sends all kinds of chills down my spine. Simon puts his forehead on mine and asks: “Bram Greenfeld, would you be my boyfriend again?”

I giggle like an embarrassed teenager. “Absolutely!”

**Author's Note:**

> Feeling better? :)


End file.
